Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
