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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
