I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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