I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
