SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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