I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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