I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
