I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i believe in u and ur pee
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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