Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
