I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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