But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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