No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
