is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
