Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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