i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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