no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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