fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize