dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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