dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This is classic penis vs brain.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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