oh god the rape fog is back!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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