Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
