OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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