did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
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Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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