I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
