So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
