You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hippo gnu deer
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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