i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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