Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
