Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
