I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
