I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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