fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Operation Purity has been aborted
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
