got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
