I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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