You smell like a Billy Joel song
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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