do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
