Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
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do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
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I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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