Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
