Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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