Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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