I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize