my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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