Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
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Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
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Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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