I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
