i jhust puked up my retainher.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
