She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
