i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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