He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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