I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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