Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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