i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
