why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
