When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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