Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
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I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize