im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
