Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
