3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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