drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
