i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
