There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
