I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
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Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
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I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.