names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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